156.153.255.162 writes:

      "Yatzee!" Yo cried gleefully.

      "For the last time it's 'checkmate', Yo." Visionary muttered. It was the fifth game in a row where Yo had beaten him,
      and it was becoming clear that playing chess with a being composed of Pure Thought Energy was a mistake. It
      wouldn't have been as embarrassing if Yo hadn't been concentrating more on Nick-at-Nite than on the board.

      "Ah." Yo said with disappointment as 'Happy Days' started. "Chachi." He switched off the television.

      Needless to say, things were kind of slow at the Lair Legion's ... um... lair. Visionary had pulled monitor duty again, (he
      got it a lot, being one of the few who hadn't realized yet that Jarvis assigned it to whomever first asked 'Whose turn is
      it?' every day.) The rest of the Legion was off fighting Zemo. They fought Zemo every Thursday night, it seemed.

      "So why are you here, anyway?" Visionary asked Yo. "Surely the others could use your help."

      "Larry will not let me back in the Lanes." Yo replied, setting up the chessboard for another go. "Ever since I wore golf
      instead of bowling shoes."

      "Wait-a-minute!" Visionary snapped. "Lanes? Larry?" His eyes widened as the truth dawned on him. "Those bastards
      are at Larry's Bowl-a-rama?!"

      "Thursday is League night." Yo nodded happily. "Or, now, perhaps Legion night."

      "Who's playing?" Visionary demanded.

      "Jarvis, Lisa, Starseed and NTU-150" Yo answered. "They are the Lair Legion League."

      "And everyone else knows about this?!"

      Yo nodded. "Most come to watch, but others come for cheese fries."

      "How come nobody invited me?"

      Yo smiled at him. "The consensus in general is that you..." Yo searched for the correct word, "ah yes, ...suck."

      "Well." Visionary said, setting his jaw. "We'll just see about this."

      -----

      The fabled spires of Emoh S'ranod were not easy to reach, but Visionary was determined. With Yo in tow, he
      pounded on Donar's front door. "Donar! Open up! It's important!"

      The great door slowly swung open to reveal the newest member of the Regulars, recently rechristened as the Lair
      Legion. "Ah, friends Visionary and Yo! Well met!" Donar said. "Thou hast missed the adventures of legendary Fonzie,
      yet thy timing for thy world's 'Scariest Police Chases' doth be impeccable!"

      "Umm... okay." Visionary said. "The thing is, see, we were here about another matter..." Visionary filled Donar in on
      his plan.

      "Verily, it hath merit." Donar conceded. "However, the past-time of rolling said ball towards pins of wood seems not a
      challenge worthy for a warrior born. As I said to Jarvis, so too must I say thee nay."

      "But... but think about it!" Visionary said. "There'll be a television over the bar, plenty of beer and Coney-dogs, the
      thunderous crash of the pins..."

      "Hold!" Donar said excitedly. "Didst mine ears deceive me, or speakest thou of the crash of thunder?"

      Visionary grinned. "Thunder undreamt of..."

      ------

      "Well done." Yo said approvingly as they returned to the lair. "But still we have two problems. One, we must acquire
      funds of $500 to enter Saturday's torture."

      "Tourney" Visionary corrected absently. "That's no problem. We'll take it out of the Legion's petty cash fund." He
      scratched his chin. "If anyone asks, we'll say Wonderman embezzled it."

      Yo nodded. "Problem two: we are one bowler short."

      Visionary made a face. "Actually, I had an idea about that too..."

      ------

      "Not a chance in hell." Cheryl said calmly.

      "Please?" Visionary pleaded. "I wouldn't ask if I thought we could get anybody else."

      "How flattering." Cheryl answered dryly. "Why do you care so much? You don't even like bowling. You just can't
      stand to be left out, can you?"

      "It's not like that at all!" Visionary declared. Cheryl just starred at him. "Well, okay, it's a lot like that..." he admitted.
      "But come on! You're always complaining that we never go anywhere!"

      "I was thinking more along the lines of the Theater or Opera." she said. "Places where you're much less likely to be
      sitting next to a smelly, fat guy with nacho cheese smeared on his shirt."

      "Ah, you have not been to see 'Cats'." Yo observed.

      Visionary gave his wife his best pleading look.

      Finally, she rolled her eyes. "Get me some NEW shoes" she said with a sigh. "I refuse to wear smelly, used,
      red-and-blue ones with the size printed on the heel."

      "Of course!" Visionary said, whipping out a note-pad. "Anything else?"

      "Tickets to the Parodiopolis Opera's production of 'Carmen', for next weekend."

      "Me too." Yo added.

      "What?! You already agreed to bowl!" Visionary said to Yo. "I'm not made out of Opera tickets, you know!"

      "Yo too." Cheryl insisted.

      "Fine, fine." Visionary muttered, making a note. Perhaps 'Wonderman' would have to be greedier than he had first
      thought.

      ------

      Saturday night found them gathered in the parking lot outside Larry's Bowl-a-Rama. To conceal their identities, each of
      them wore a 'Zorro' type mask which tied in the back and covered the tops of their heads. Yo said it was so that
      no-one could recognize them by their hairlines, but Visionary thought it was just because Yo liked 'Zorro'.

      "Alright, is everybody ready to kick some ass?" Visionary said confidently. "Let the Lair Legion League beware the
      coming of... The Lurker League!"

      "Lurker League?" Yo asked.

      "Do you have a better name?" Visionary asked.

      "Verily." Donar answered. "I sayeth we dub our mighty selves-- Strikes of Thunder!!!"

      "How about 'The Insecure-with-something-to-prove League'." Cheryl suggested.

      "Methinks it may not fit transcribed across the backs of our garments." Donar observed.

      "You're not helping, you know." Visionary muttered to his wife.

      "I know dear." she answered sweetly. "I'm not really trying."

      Visionary sighed again. "Alright, let's let fate decide." He took out his bowling ball and put it on the floor. "Whomever
      the holes are pointing at gets to pick the name." He spun the ball.

      -----

      "Registry fee?" Larry asked, holding out a grubby palm.

      Visionary laid the $500 dollars in his palm.

      "What's with the masks?" Larry asked.

      "What masks?" Visionary asked with a totally straight face.

      "Look, I know some of you BZL types like to make a ruckus." Larry said, glaring at them. "In here, things are settled
      on the lanes. Ya' leave your Cosmic and Gaaah type powers and what-have-you at the door, capice?"

      "Umm... okay."

      Larry eyed him for a moment longer than returned to the registration sheet. "Team Name?"

      Visionary glanced over his shoulder at the grinning Yo. Turning back to Larry, he coughed and mumbled something
      under his breath.

      "Whazzat?" Larry asked.

      "I said-- 'The Fuzzy Bunnies of the Happy Place'."

      -----------------------------------------end of part one-----------------------------------------------

 Contest of Champions, Part 2
 Thursday, 05-Nov-98 15:46:24

      156.153.255.162 writes:

      The early rounds of Larry's Annual Parodiopolis Open went fairly well. The 'Fuzzy Bunnies' held their own. Cheryl was
      a decent bowler, though it was far from her favorite hobby. Yo thought himself to be a good bowler, so of course he
      was. (One of the many benefits of being composed of Pure Thought Energy.) With Cheryl's and Yo's advice, Visionary
      had progressed from 'sucky' to 'just plain bad' and now was hovering just shy of 'mediocre'. What Donar lacked in
      finesse, he made up for in enthusiasm. He would swing his ball in great circles before finally hurling the ball down the
      lanes to it's thunderous collision. All in all, he was having a grand time. It wasn't until the third round that they met up
      with the Lair Legion League...

      -----

      "So, you're the 'Fuzzy Bunnies of the Happy Place'." Jarvis said as they took their lanes. "Interesting name."

      "Er... yes." Visionary answered. "We're, ah, from the Happy Place... and, um, bunnies are our fiercest mascots." He
      swallowed hard. "Fuzzy ones especially."

      "Uh-huh." Jarvis replied, studying him. "Have we met?"

      "No!" Visionary answered quickly. "No no no no no. Er, that is to say... not at all."

      "You know..." Lisa said with a purr, coming over to join them. "I've always liked the mystery of a masked man." She
      leaned in close to him and arched her back.

      "AHEM." Cheryl said, interrupting. "You're up first, Victor!"

      "Would that be your wife, by any chance?" Jarvis asked suspiciously.

      "No!" Visionary said quickly. "She's my... er... sister, actually." He was quite proud of the smoothness with which he
      delivered this lie, seeing how Cheryl was digging her nails into his arm at the time.

      "Perfect." Lisa answered with a grin. "Then perhaps after this is over, you and I could go someplace private and..."

      "Once again..." Jarvis said testily, "I'm standing *right here*."

      "Oops." Lisa said. "Look at that, it's my turn to bowl..."

      "Yes, dear brother..." Cheryl said dangerously as she lead him back to his lane. "You really should take your turn as
      well, lest your muscles stiffen up and you find yourself in considerable *pain*."

      "Methinks it be not his muscles that grows stiff." Donar observed.

      Cheryl shot him her most effective scowl. "Did you say something?"

      "Nay, ma'am." he answered quickly.

      -----

      "Tina, isn't it?" Banjooo asked, pulling up a seat next to the young woman behind the LLL's lane. "NTU's friend?"

      "Yes." Tina said with a polite smile. While she still wasn't very comfortable around NTU's friends, she had promised
      herself that she'd give them a second chance, if only for NTU's sake. "Banjoo, right?" Even with her limited knowledge
      of them, it was hard to mistake the giant Sea Monkey. "Weren't you here with that talk show host?"

      "Space Ghost." He said, nodding. "He's over there in the arcade."

      Tina turned and looked. A cowled man was violently shaking a 'Ms. Pac-Man' machine. "Gaaaah!" he screamed.
      "Can't you corner any better than that, you stupid bitch!?"

      "He seems quite... engrossed." Tina finally managed.

      Banjooo nodded. "Chili-cheese fry?" he offered, thrusting a basket towards her.

      "No, thank-you" Tina politely declined. She was sure that she hadn't seen that shade of 'nacho cheese yellow'
      anywhere in nature. "I'm not really hungry."

      "Ah" Banjooo said in understanding. "So you're here to watch NTU bowl?" He eyed her up and down. "I don't mean
      to sound presumptuous, but... aren't you a little over dressed?"

      Tina ground her teeth, feeling even more conspicuous in her evening gown. "There was some... miscommunications
      about this evening." she said. "When NTU said he was taking me on a surprise date to a place with polished hardwood
      floors and live music, I thought 'dancing'." She cast a look into the smoke-filled bar, where some country garage band
      was performing. "Silly me." she said bitterly.

      "I couldn't help overhearing." one of NTU's masked 'Fuzzy Bunny' opponents said, drifting to the back of the lane.
      "Tell me..." the woman said with a slight smile, "Do you like Opera?"

      -----

      "Hey, Yorgi!" Visionary called to Yo. "You're up!"

      Yo reluctantly disengaged himself from the back bench, where Lisa had been leaning against him and whispering into
      his ear. He came forward and picked up his ball with a somewhat dazed look in his eye.

      "Keep your concentration!" Visionary coached as Yo approached the line. "Don't let her make you lose focus!"

      Yo nodded and began his turn. Holding the ball in front of him he lined up the arrows on the floor. He then brought his
      ball swiftly into his back swing and released it. Tina and Banjooo dove for the floor as the ball went sailing backwards
      over the railing and through the spectators to crash into the arcade.

      "Aaaaaauuugh!!!!" Space Ghost screamed. "Nooooooooooo!!!! I had the high score!!!!! Why, God, why?!"

      "Methinks his mind be not on yon pins" Donar noted as the patrons behind the lanes regained their seats.

      "Interesting accent." Starseed noted from the bench of the next lane. "Where did you say you were from...?"

      "The fabled realm of Fargo." Donar answered. "Don'-cha-know."

      "Ah" Starseed answered, less sure of himself.

      "Uh... that's okay, Yorgi" Visionary was saying as he patted Yo on the shoulder. He looked to the arcade, where Larry
      was trying to fish the bowling ball out of the sparking Ms. Pac-Man machine. "Why don't you use my... er... Donar's
      ball."

      "She said she liked fuzzy bunnies." Yo was saying dreamily. "She liked to tickle their furry bellies..."

      "That's... good, Yorgi. Uh... real good." Visionary answered nervously. He pointed Yo towards the pins. "Let's try
      that-a-way, this time." He watched warily as Yo released the ball in the generally correct direction. However, it hit the
      gutter two-thirds of the way down the lane. With a sigh, he turned to where Cheryl was keeping score. "How's it
      look?"

      Cheryl shook her head. "Sorry, dear." she said. "Even if Yo had gotten that spare, there was no way we could beat
      them." She laid a hand comfortingly on his shoulder. "We gave it a good showing, though."

      Suddenly a great *CLANG* rang out from the next lane. NTU laid curled up on his side, moaning softly and holding
      his stomach. Tina rushed down to his side. The Fuzzy Bunnies and the Lair Legion League gathered around him.

      "I told you those Hot-dogs had been on that carousel too long..." Tina admonished him gently. "How you could stand
      to put anything from this place into your mouth is beyond me."

      "I... I don't think I can go on..." NTU gasped to Jarvis.

      "But... we just qualified for the final round!" Jarvis protested. "We face off against Zemo's team for the championship!"

      "HA!" Zemo taunted from another lane. "You'll have to forfeit! That Trophy belongs to the Scourge of the
      Bowl-a-Rama League!!!"

      "Who's next on the depth chart?" Jarvis asked Starseed.

      "That'd be Yo, but he isn't even here!"

      "Send out a priority call, right away!" Jarvis ordered.

      Suddenly a fierce, high pitched beeping emanated from behind them. They turned to see 'Yorgi', blissfully curled up
      next to Lisa. The noise seemed to be coming from his pants. With a speculative look, Lisa grabbed his mask and
      pulled.

      "Yo!" Jarvis exclaimed.

      Yo fished out his Legion communi-card and turned off the summons. "Reporting for duty, sir." He said happily.

      Jarvis spun and ripped off 'Victor's' mask. "Visionary! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

      "Uh... well..."

      Lisa looked at them with a shocked expression. "I hit on *Visionary*?" Lisa said. "Eeeeew...."

      ------

      Epilogue:

      "Well, *that* was an interesting night..." Lisa said as they all pulled up outside the Legion headquarters. "I must say,
      Space Ghost, that was a stroke of genius... threatening to slaughter all the remaining Happy Place bunnies if Yo didn't
      get his mind back on bowling. Good bluff."

      "Who was bluffing?" Space Ghost asked. "Do you know how may quarters I fed that thing?"

      "Eh... right" Lisa said. "Now, Jarvis... Don't you have something to tell Visionary?"

      Jarvis scowled, but after a hard look from Lisa, he gave in. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you about bowling night..." he said
      grudgingly. "In fact, you've shown quite a bit of improvement."

      "Thanks." Visionary said happily. "Although I owe that all to Yo and Cheryl." He looked back to where Yo was
      proudly carrying the Larry's Bowl-a-Rama Open trophy.

      "Was there any word from Tina?" Banjooo asked Donar.

      "The Lady Tina didst mention something about a 'stomach pump' for valiant NTU." he replied. "She also professed
      excitement at the news he shall be hale and hearty again in time for next weeks sojourn to yon Opera."

      "What's that?" Visionary asked sharply, casting a glance at Cheryl.

      "We'll talk later, dear." she said.

      "Uh... Cheryl..." Lisa began hesitantly. "About earlier..." She coughed delicately.

      "Not to worry." Cheryl reassured her. "I understand completely."

      "Good." Lisa said happily. "I mean... I would *never* in a million years..." She noticed Cheryl raising an eyebrow.
      "Not that there's anything wrong with him!" Lisa added quickly. "It's just, I tend to associate unavailable men with
      things you might find on the bottom of your shoe. It helps to keep 'misunderstandings' down." She looked at Cheryl.
      "Still friends?"

      "Of course" Cheryl said warmly. "We can forget the matter entirely." An evil smile played at the corner of her mouth.
      "Of course, I think Visionary will be hearing about this for quite some time..."

      "There's only one thing I don't get..." Starseed began as they gathered outside the front door. "If you all were at the
      Bowl-a-Rama all night, who was on monitor/guard duty?"

      Jarvis reached for the doorknob and flug open the enterence to the Lair. They entered their headquarters to find it
      stripped of everything remotely valuable.

      "Er... uh..." Visionary said uncomfortably, side-stepping away from Jarvis. "At least there's plenty of room for the
      trophy."

      -----

      Jarvis read the note again and swore. "Hope you enjoyed your victory celebration!" it said. It hadn't taken Zemo long
      to get his revenge for losing the bowling tourney.

      "Everything's gone!" Starseed reported after a quick check of the place. "They even took fifteen hundred dollars from
      the petty cash safe!"

      "What?" Jarvis asked. "If they knew about the safe and opened it, why wouldn't they take all of the cash?"

      "Who can fathom the criminal mind." Visionary said quickly, clamping a hand over Yo's mouth. "We'll just have to note
      that in the insurance report!" He snapped his fingers. "You know, that reminds me... Cheryl, Tina, NTU, Yo and I are
      all going to the Opera next week...and I was just wondering..."

      Jarvis stared at him, his eyes narrowing.

      "Do you suppose we could have the night off from monitor duty?"
 

      the end
 
 
 

      Visionary